FOR THE LOVE!!!!!

Jeff has been gone for 2 weeks!  In that time, our car was broken into, my best friends mother passed away, and I have learned how to care for an acre of land with a garden, raspberries, blackberries, apple trees, a walnut tree, pear trees, peach trees, apricot trees, a cherry tree, many flower beds, PLUS a quirky sprinkling "system."
Well, I have TRIED to learn to do this on my own.  See, the problem is, other things keep getting in the way, like- teaching lessons, potty training a 2 year old that "wants" to do his business in the potty, but only about 30% of the time, and cleaning the house.

I have yet to say that I am in my own "routine," but I can feel it coming.  People tell me that once I get used to having Jeff gone, it will be so easy that having him around will be annoying and that he will just get in my way.  The problem is, I don't want to have Jeff "in my way."  I don't want him to be annoying.  I just want him here. I want him to be a part of this family.  I want him to celebrate Isaacs birthday with us- NOT two weeks later.

Other people also keep telling me to think about what military wives have to go through.  The problem with that is THEY SIGNED UP FOR THAT!!  Being apart this long was never in OUR family plan.  I know that there are situations where couples HAVE to separate for financial purposes.  And I know that with things like Skype, and telephones, I am very fortunate.  But still, here's the thing, you can't tell me that ANY of those people WANTED to be separated.  My mother has reminded me- time and time again- that my Omi and Opa did this for two years because they HAD to financially.  All they had for communication were letters.  I can appreciate that and I empathize that situation.  Those were times when things like that were expected.  And, I wonder, what their advice would be to me today in regards to my situation.  Nevertheless, I am sick and tired of people telling me to "buck up."  No matter the situation, I don't think that ANY couple finds it easy to deal with and so until you have to deal with it on your own for longer than a week, to you I say- SHUT UP, and talk to me when you are in this situation.  AND, if you think it is helping to say things like "Oh, you'll find your groove soon." or "Think of what the pioneers had to do when they went on missions,"  or " now you know what it is like to be a single mother," it isn't!!   So, to all those out there that have absolutely NO IDEA what it is like to be apart from your spouse for an extended period of time, quit acting like it's not a big deal, or that I shouldn't be missing him as much as I do- IT BUGS!!!  Instead, say something like "wow, that must be hard.  Let me know if you need anything."  or, "I know people that have had to do that too, and it was hard for them, but let me tell you what I think made it easier for them....."  instead of making me feel bad because "other" people do this for LONGER periods of time, so WHY am I whining!!!  Whether it is 2 months or 2 years, or becoming a permanent single parent, the feeling of loss and loneliness is the same, just for different amounts of time.  And to that I say, KUDOS to those that HAVE to do it longer than I have to, because I know it is hard!  It's hard to care for a house and yard that isn't yours.  It's hard to work and try to raise kids.  It's hard to cook, clean, drive, do church callings, water the yard, care for the yard, prepare kids for school, work to earn money, and find time to shower!!!  SO, hats off to you!  I am grateful that I don't have to do it longer, but that doesn't make it easier for the amount of time that I DO have to do it.


On a brighter note, Jeff is doing well.  He really likes teaching, and already has 4 or 5 students.  His boss is also passing some students over to him over the next couple of weeks so hopefully, by the end of the month, Jeff should have 10-12 students.  That should be good to help him make it through the winter months when business is slow.  I have purchased tickets to go out at the end of August so that we can check out some places to live, talk to people in the ward about schools and other stuff,  and all around just  see if we would like to live there.  I will only be there for 2 days, so they will be packed full, but hopefully, we will come out of it with a better idea of what our options are.  By then, we will know how much we can expect financially from Jeff, and we can send out flyers to start drumming up voice students for me.  My goal is to have 3 students BEFORE we move out there just ready to start right up.  Both Jeff and I feel good about the prospect of moving out there, we just feel that it is a timing thing.  Jeff says that they are working on a contract with a school that teaches aviation, and that would bring in a lot more students.  PLUS they are working to become a Part 141 flight school (which is just a little more recognized.)  If that is the case, Jeff would be hired on as an  Assistant Chief Flight Instructor, and would get a base pay salary PLUS an hourly wage for teaching time.  Things are looking great, and we hope that they progress fast so that we can once again bring our little family together.